This is how it felt

this is how it felt.

you were gone too soon.
so fast.
so far.

after you left,
first just an ache,
a tear.
shadows of the haunting past
pouring into my gaping heart.

a void,
a lost jigsaw puzzle,
a muffled songbird.

the you who died,
the you I knew,
the you I loved.

How could you be gone?
How did we change?

How did
your memory of me—
the me you changed,
the me you've touched,
the me you loved—
once fresh spring flowers,
now dried autumn leaves.

sometimes you're just
a daydream away;
other times
a nightmare.

just a slight flicker,
dying ember.
the memory of us:
you try to forget
I try to hold on.

i know it's still there.
the love, the memories.
why do you deny?
why do you push me away?
why do you lock it all up?
why why why?
this is how it felt,
and this is how it still feels.

don't let us
f
  a
    d
      e

i still care
you don't.

goodbye.

***
This piece was part of a Senior Writing Portfolio that received a Silver Key Award at the 2017 Scholastic Art & Writing Awards